it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
