Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
