i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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