when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
