Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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