I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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