you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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