Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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