Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
