we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize