that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
