I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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