i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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