Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
