I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
