At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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