There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
