I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
