When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
