how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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