if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
