I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You smell like stripper and shame
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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