he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
