I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
