I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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