you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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