I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
