Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
