Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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