i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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