there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
