Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
