Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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