We won't sleep together?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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