Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
