she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
