Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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