Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
