Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
