Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
