He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
