I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
