I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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