so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
