We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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