Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize