Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ruined the universe
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize