So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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