She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
