It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
