all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize