She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
