Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
