Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
