I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
