Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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