my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
