If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
