literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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