omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no, he came in my armpit
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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