2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
