Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
