Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
