I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
