Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
be right there i have to get my cape
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
