I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
