sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize