From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
