i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
