he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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