I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
