I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize