What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
