I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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