new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
