I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
