I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
