I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm just crazy horny about you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We are all done wearing pants today
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
