the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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