You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
