Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
