She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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