and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
