Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize