i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
