I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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