I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
