she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
