believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
