Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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