he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize