Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
