Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
