her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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