weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We need to rekindle our bromance
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
