I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
