dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
