is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
