Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
