at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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