I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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