I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
