You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
