I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
