So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
