Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
