I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
