we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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