You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
