Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
