I CAN MOONWALK!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
