the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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