Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize