Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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