I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
