U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
