even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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