He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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