probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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