Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
