I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
