i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
